Finding a Partner

Flower Arrangement 2

This is an extremely common question, but obviously there is no single, definitive answer.

A common approach is to look for this on dating apps or dedicated websites, but even then it can be difficult to encounter someone who is open about their kinks. Sadly there is still much prejudice and taboo surrounding most kinks, making people somewhat hesitant to expose them, even on dating apps.

 

Any person can be interested in any type of kink. It's not possible to determine that just by looking at them, or by analyzing the way they speak or behave. With that in mind, the best steps to follow if you are looking for a relationship that encompasses a certain set of kinks are very similar to what you should do for any other intimate relationship:

 

1) Be humble enough to acknowledge both your positive and negative traits, so you can work to improve them, polishing your qualities while also trying to restrict your flaws as much as you can. Be careful with the awful quote, born out of pure entitlement, stating that "someone who loves me should accept me for who I am". Consider that you are not a static object, sitting on a table, forever gathering dust. Human beings have complex, dynamic personalities and attributes, exposed to constant changes. Time does not stop, and neither does our personality. While it is true some flaws may be hard to overcome, thus requiring understanding and cooperation from your partner, that should not mean you can't try to improve on anything. The same, of course, should be expected of your partner. If you live expecting someone who is perfect for you from the get go in every way, without any sort of change or adaptation to each other, you are not being realistic. Expecting this is one of the main reasons why most relationships end up failing miserably. Be reasonable and be flexible, if you're going to expect the same (as you should).

 

2) Be open to vanilla beginnings. Do not expect to only engage with people who openly share your exact same kinks. Maybe they don't feel comfortable sharing about liking them at first, or maybe they don't even know about them yet, but would be open to try and may end up loving them as much as you do. You can find a partner who ends up having a kinky relationship with you anywhere. Don't think pervs are only present in kinky communities. They're everywhere.

 

3) Don't force things. Be patient. That applies both when approaching someone, or when exploring new boundaries of an existing relationship.

 

4) Don't be ashamed to admit who you are and what you truly like, keeping communication as clear as possible (assuming you have enough intimacy and rapport to talk about certain topics, of course).

 

5) Although keeping an open mind for discovery and exploration can be wonderful, do not force yourself through something you are sure about not enjoying. Don't be afraid to clarify your soft and hard limits to a partner. If those end up being a deal breaker for the relationship (if one's hard limits are essential kinks to the other), that is probably for the best.

Written by

Hypnos-san